Got this meme from Sognatrice at a blog called bleeding espresso
Here is some Google-driven fun that entails typing your name and the word “needs” in quotation marks into the search engine feature. So, for example, in Google, I typed in “John needs”.
Here are my 10 favourite Google results followed by my comments:
1. John needs to get his patootie back here
Someone sounds a bit upset with me. If nothing else from this exercise, I learned more North American slang that I will never use.
2. ‘John’ needs Operation after Hooker Bites Penis for Non-Payment.
Honest, I must be sleepwalking again. Blessed with a name like John, you are bound to run into this kind of headline. How did John / Johnny get so badly misappropriated?
I mean, Johns are typically good guys right? - There’s Mr. Lennon, Mr F. Kennedy, Mr. The Baptist, Mr. Windmill the French resistance bloke etc. Imagine the furore if certain other names were thus abused. ‘Do you, er, sell Mohammads?’ ‘Where’s the Jesus in this bleeding restaurant?’ ‘She didn’t like how the Buddha rolled his window down.’ Get some new slang people!
3. John Needs Your Bone Marrow!
Don’t all rush to donate. I have enough of the stuff now – overwhelming response from far and wide. Neighbourhood dogs all over the front lawn.
4. John needs a few seconds to gather his response.
But trust me, it’ll be just about worth the wait.
5. John needs to be allowed to take the risks involved in learning new things.
Yeah, how come it’s always my kids that get to fall off stuff and scrape their grateful little faces on the ground? Just don’t seem fair.
6. John needs to climb a 3500m mountain.
Look, this spinal expert assured me that it was the only surefire way to cure my sciatica. And it is my turn to take a risk.
7. Saint John needs to secure funding for cruise terminal.
I always knew that canonisation was just around the corner. You can only perform so many miracles without being noticed. Such is life.
8. Saint John needs an ‘image’ change.
Well, I have had the same haircut for over twenty years. And my pious duties will require something more fitting than T-shirts covered in grazing sheep. Having said that, I do have my flock now.
9. John needs a way to assign an item’s UUID to an attribute (as opposed to assigning a reference), so I added a new form of attribute-assignment to parcel.xml.
I don’t ask for much in life: the odd cup of tea, the local paper, an occasional UUID attribute assignment (I just can’t get enough of those babies). You have to admit, I’m pretty low-maintenance really.
10. John needs something that is admirable, but rare and hard to find.
There I go, publicly airing my pet thoughts about my wife again.
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If you decide to do this, come back here and put up your link in the comments; and for anyone who doesn’t have a blog, feel free to paste the results right in a comment.
Love the title, and if I were you, I’d settle for a 3000 m mountain. Those last 500 m are really only about bragging rights, and with your sainthood status, I think you’re good there.
Thanks for playing
Poor you… Yep, with “John” you were bound to have weirds stuffs. I should try with my name !
Sognatrice: Thanks for the advice – as long as my new halo still sparkles!
Zhu: Maybe I should follow your lead and look east for a new name! Perhaps Chiang?
Hilarious!
I typed “Dan needs” and it said “Dan needs to read John’s blog more to come up with cool ideas”.
Thanks for visiting my blog John. Nice one you have over here!
Dan: Ah, the great Google has spoken. Will aim to live up to its claims re cool ideas!
Cheers for the return visit and positive feedback.
Erin: Did you dare try with your name?
Well, you know, I’m 100% NOT Chinese
But even with my real, Google doesn’t know me as much as you !
Zhu: I was thinking of how you got Zhu from your real name.
Google does seem very well informed! I’m hoping to fly out of Canada next week. Hope airport security don’t use Google for their no-fly list!
Kelly needs to be part of a loving, committed marriage.
KELLY NEEDS HER BROTHER BACKSTAGE.
Kelly needs modesty (something to do with nude pics! o_0)
Kelly needs patience right now.
Kelly needs a HIP replacement.
That was fun!
Kelly: That’s a diverse set of needs you have!
Glad you had fun, and thanks for visiting. Will take a look at your blog later.
I studied Chinese for 12 years, and my chinese teacher found this name for me in the first class. It sounds like my real name, which is Juliette.
My Chinese name is Bao Zhuli (in pinyin, roman prononciation). “Zhu” pronounces as the first syllable of “Juliette” said in English.
Zhu: Thank you for the explanation.
I’ve met a lot of Chinese people who tell me that they are quite attached to the Western name that (usually) their first English teacher gave them.
Wonder how long it will be before it is commonplace for Westerners to be given Chinese names in their first Chinese class.
On my desk at work, I have a drawing someone made for me of the Chinese character closest to ‘John’, so I guess I’m part way to getting my Chinese name. At least that’s what they told me the character was!